I can't be a silent observer any longer concerning the phenomena spreading across my college campus.... Part two of being back in the USA is just going to have to wait.
It all began when I noticed the odd turning of heads in my direction on my afternoon walk to my favorite park. It was furthered by the seemingly necessary Noah's-Ark-esque walking of two by twos in every possible situation. It was pushed a bit over the edge by the sympathetic glances turned my way at the cafe. It moved from mild annoyance to sheer satirical anger after over-hearing the sentimental dreams of an underclassmen seeking her "MRS" degree.
What, might you ask, is this antagonist undertone creeping across my campus and much of Western evangelical circles?
The ideal that single women who are happy being alone or maintain any spirit of independence are our modern day lepers.
This isn't some embittered "I should have received my ring by spring" rant. I'm reacting to this spirit of shunning and pity and disenfranchisement extended towards single women within Christian circles. However, in all likelihood, even outside the church every girl has experienced the forlorn "when will I get grandchildren?" looks from their mothers or "well what will you do after you graduate?" questions from their great aunts who can't seem to cope with a professional timeline not involving an engagement ring.
So whether you are Catholic or conservative or don't give a shit--if you are a single woman, you can probably relate to these situations.
What is most disturbing to me, is that single men do not seem to experience such a lepers treatment. If you see a single man walking to class on his own, there's not a second thought given. Any young man could sit at a coffeeshop and read a book and people would find him intellectual; in fact, even MORE attractive or appealing.
A single man can cruise through life for many years before the compassionate and confused looks are cast his way. Furthermore, most young men don't switch in the dramatic opposite realm and create intense co-dependent relationships with their other male friends. They are genuinely happy being alone and society does not cast any black duckling shadow on them for it. In fact, a spirit of independence (without turning into pride) and self-sufficiency (without turning into arrogance) is often perceived as the positive sign that they're now mature enough to enter into a romantic relationship.
Now, let's turn the tables and view these things from a single woman's perspective. Whenever I walk to lunch or to class or to even my freaking mail box, I'm one of the only people happily walking by myself. It is not a necessity in my mind to bring a friend or a guy or a pet little dog when I want to go get a snack from the gas station; however, people give you the weirdest glances for daring to venture out on your own. I can happily sit and have my lunch in the coffeeshop and read my book without your pitying "where's her date? where's her friend? is she really by herself?" eyes, Mrs-married-and-has-two-kids-at-23.
The saddest part of this fiasco is that most single women seem to flail themselves in the extreme opposite direction and create co-dependency with their other single girl friends. I don't know if this is a "we're both dying as cat ladies so might as well get used to being stuck with me" mindset or what, but rather than a woman finding her own spirit and independence apart from a romantic relationship, she instead dumps all that dependency on a friendship. Rather than walk to class on her own and arrive on time, she HAS to wait to walk with a friend. Rather than just going and getting that latte she's been craving all day, she HAS to wait for someone to be free to go with her. Rather than trying that new cute Cuban restaurant on her lunch break, she HAS to sit at home and eat to avoid the embarassment of being alone in public.
Single ladies, WHO GIVES A FRICK WHAT COUPLES THINK ABOUT YOU? Are they your Creator? Are they the One who loves you most? Are they the One who made you to crave Taco Bell at 3 in the morning or to really love terrible Katherine Heigl movies or to enjoy dancing to U2 after completing a giant exegetical paper?? NO. So by all means, feel free to do those things without their approval or their accompaniment.
Being single does not make you a leper.
Being single and quite content with that fact does not make you a bitter feminist.
Being single and having independence apart from your friendships makes you healthy and whole and a sure footed person.
Please do not feel the need to be one of these desperate twenty-something girls searching for who they are in emotional machine gun fire between all the wrong friendships and relationships.
And hey, if the Son of God can retreat into solitude apart from even His closest disciples, I'm preeeeetty sure I can enjoy the 20 minute walk through the sunshine to my favorite park without being some sort of freak for craving absolutely no one to be walking beside me in that moment.
